Fawk You Friday?

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I'm linking up with Jana from Boobies, Babies & a Blog and Christy from My Mad Mind today for my usual Fawk You Friday.  Although I am finding very few things to say Fawk You to lately, I'm still going to participate.

• Fawk You to having to go sit at the Doctors Office today.  It always takes forever around here, and I truly do hate the wait.  

• Fawk You to the floors in my new house for not having any carpeting thanks to the dogs that my Mother-in-Law kept in here after she moved in with Granny.  Thanks to those dogs we're going to have to find a way to pay for new carpeting and such.  That's money that we just don't have.

• Fawk You to having to tell my Daddy that I'm moving.  I haven't told him yet, and I don't want to have to tell him.  I don't want to hurt him or hurt his feelings at all or anything.  

Now, I would like to say Thank You for some things!

Thank you, God, for providing us with a new home for our family.  I hope and pray that this will be a good thing for us and that it will help us to all get along better as a family.
Thank you to everyone out there in the Blogoverse that has been praying for my family through this time of change for us and who have extended their well wishes for us all!  I've made some really great friends through this blog, and have met some truly great ladies and gentlemen (yep, that's you Ian) and I'm so thankful to know you all.
Thank you to my Daddy for letting us stay with you when we needed a place to stay!  You've always been there for me when it really counted and I have no doubt that you always will be.  I love you, Daddy, even if we don't always see eye to eye.
I would like to thank God for giving me the family that he has given me.  I love them so much, and I wouldn't want anything other than them.  They make me who I am and marrying Justin and having Aiden and Jagger changed the very fiber of my being and who I am at the core of myself.

Now, I have something else I want to say, because I'm not quite sure what to do about it or how to deal with it.   I really, really need some advice so badly about this.  Anyone that could possibly help me, offer some advice or words of wisdom would be a God send right now!

My Daddy is very close to Aiden & Jagger.  Aiden and my Dad have always been best friends, ever since he was born.  They have a wonderful bond and a great relationship.  When we lived with my Dad Aiden spent a lot of time with him, as did Jagger.  Each evening when my Daddy would get home from work at 5:00 pm Aiden would go into the living room and watch TV with him, they would play games and have an ice cream together.  If it was warm out then my Dad would take him out to ride around in his tractor or play T-Ball or Basketball with him or push him on the swings.  Aiden and my Dad would eat a bag of popcorn together at around 8:00 pm or 9:00 pm each night and watch Batman, SpongeBob, Scooby Doo or Two Stupid Dogs together.

Jagger is too young to tell me that he misses his Papaw and wants to see him or spend time with him.  Aiden is not.  Aiden spoke to my Daddy on the phone last night and started crying and asking him to come and pick him up and bring him home.  He begged me to take him to my Dad's house last night.  He had an hour long melt down begging and crying and screaming and asking for his Papaw after we talked to him on the phone.  He calmed down for a bit and then started all over again.  In the middle of the second meltdown I ended up calling my Daddy back so Aiden could talk to him, but it didn't stop it at all.  It made it worse.  He begged both me and my Dad to come to get him. Saying things like "Mommy, please take me to my Papaw's house" or "Papaw, please Papaw!  Papaw come get me!  Come get me Papaw, Please Papaw, come get me!" and "I want my Papaw!  I want Papaw!  Take me to Papaw's please, Mommy, please Mommy!  Get my Mamaw to take me to my Papaw!  I want my Papaw, Please let me see my Papaw!" as well as "Popcorn!  I want my Papaw!  I want to go eat popcorn with my Papaw, Mommy, Please!  I want popcorn!  I want popcorn!  My Papaw will eat popcorn with me, I want to go eat popcorn at my Papaw's house Mommy, please take me home, please take me to my Papaw's house so I can see Papaw and eat popcorn with my Papaw!"  He said all of this while he was crying this sorrowful wale of a cry that just broke me into a million pieces of pain, hurt and Mommy guilt.

He cried for his Papaw a third time right before bed as well.  He woke up this morning asking if he could go home and see his Papaw now.  I'm taking the boys to the Doctor today, and I'm going to stop by the Post Office to see my Dad.  I promised AidenAiden last night though, he kept telling my Dad no when he would say I'll pick you up on Saturday.  He would say "No!  No, Papaw!  No!  Don't do that, Papaw!  Come pick me up now!  Right now, Papaw, come get me right now Papaw, please Papaw, please!"  My heart is breaking for my sons, and for my Daddy because I know this hurts them both.  I was so upset and so hurt last night that I couldn't even tell my Daddy that Serena gave us her house and that we are moving out of his place.

What do I do?  What can I do to help my little boy?  If anyone could give me any advice for Aiden or for telling my Dad I would be so appreciative.  I'm at my wits end, I don't know what to do here and it's breaking my heart even more.  Any suggestion or advice would be so welcome right now!

PYHO- To my Baby Loves

Dear Aiden,

Aiden!  My darling boy, sweet as pie and all personality.  These days you are insisting on doing everything on your own.  Big things, small things -- everything all on your very own!  It's a kind of bitter sweetness that I never knew existed.  I love it because it's validating as a Mommy to see your baby boy grow into a loving, self-assured, imaginative, beautiful, independent and very kind little boy.  It's bitter though because I loved being the one to do all of those things for you.  I know that it's a Mothers job to teach you to do all of those things yourself, to teach you to be kind and sympathetic to others but to not let people walk all over you and to teach you how to grow into your own person so that one day you can be a wonderful grown man with good values and a good upbringing and childhood.  It does go by so fast though.

Today, as I sit thinking about your 4th birthday I really feel extra blessed to be your Mommy.  Because you are amazingly kind for a 4 year old little boy.  You have an imagination like no other I've ever seen, and I can have better conversations with you than I can have with most adults, you're so smart.  And you're sweet!  Lord, are you ever sweet -- you're just as sweet as pie, and you love everyone around you with your full heart.  You're the first one to offer something of yours to a sick cousin or friend, giving them candy, toys, juice, food or whatever it is that you have that you think will make them feel better.  You say 'I Love You' to all of your family and friends before you leave them, and you give out hugs like nobodies business!  I'm proud of the little boy that you are, and I'm proud of your Daddy and myself for having raised you to be the child that you are.

It won't be long until you are four years old.  Has it really been almost four years since the first time I saw that angelic little face of yours?  I love watching you grow, but I miss your younger days.  I suspect that it's always going to be that way, even when you're 40.  You've taught me so much about myself, about love and about the world.  Most importantly you taught me that with little boys you want to lay something over them while you're reaching for the diaper to put on them because that split second is the second they will choose to pee, directly on you, almost every time.  Before I had you I was a whole other person!  I am a better version of myself because of you, you. Jagger and Daddy truly do bring out the best in me.  It is because of you that I know how to be a better wife, a better friend and a better person in general.  You taught me what love truly is, real unconditional love the kind that can't be broken.

Don't grow up too fast, love!  Always know that Mommy is here for you, no matter what you've done or what you've been through.  You're such a special little guy, and you're pretty handsome as well, if I do say so myself!  You've got a HUGE personality and you're not like anyone I've ever know, child or adult.  I love how innocent you are, and how your personality can capture an entire room full of people.  I love how sweet you are and how bad you feel when someone else is sick or crying.  I love how much you love your brother, how protective of him you are and how you like to play with him and share with him.  

To sum it up and quote one of our favorite books to read together:

"I love you through and through!  Yesterday, Today and Tomorrow too!"

Oh my Blog, how I have been neglecting you!

I haven't posted in a while, so I figured I should at least post something tonight.  I've been really busy doing designs and all that for other blogs to post on my own.  So far I only have one completed, my girl Ange over at Names Will Not Be Changed to Protect the Innocent, and I have 3 others that are half way done and two that are about a quarter of the way done.  I decided to start a blog design business and have been doing some free designs to complete my portfolio, and have some that I'm doing at a discounted rate.  So I'm probably going to be busy for a little while still yet.

I'm going to be announcing the winner of my Charlies Soap giveaway tomorrow, and putting up a giveaway for a pimp ass curling iron I just got in.  Seriously, it's the best styling tool I've ever used, and I love it.  I love it so much I'm thinking of giving her a name.  I've contemplated naming her Thelma and then naming my flat iron I got a while back Louise.  Justin, of course, thinks I'm insane.

I would do all the giveaway stuff tonight, but I'm about to pass out.  My baby started preschool on Tuesday, and the routine and the crying I've been doing have taken a lot out of me.

Be on the look out tomorrow for an amazing new giveaway and the announcing of my winner!

The Birth of Aiden: Part Two

Last week I wrote about the birth of my first son, Aiden.  It was getting pretty long so I decided to finish up at a later date.  This is the second post in my series of posts about the births of my children, which means it's the second half of Aiden's Birth Story.  I'm going to try to finish up with Aiden's birth story today, that way I can start on Jagger's story this week!

I asked what she meant by oh, and she nonchalantly said "Well no wonder you were bleeding honey!  Having sex when you're dilated to 6 will do that to you."  This is when my husbands' jaw drops down to the floor...the first floor that is, and we were on the third.  I started crying immediately, because I knew what that meant.

At 12:00 am as the 1st of December gave way to the 2nd day of the last month of the year I was told that I would be moved to a room.  No, not just a room but the room where I would stay until I gave birth to my son.  The room where my son would begin his life.  That was going to be the room where I officially became a Mother.  I thought it a momentous change when I was married, my maiden name wasn't cast aside but it bore a hyphen after it and nestled on the right hand side of that hyphen is my husbands last name.  The name change that would occur in the room I was about to enter made the changing of names because you have switched roles from girlfriend to fiance and finally to wife seem rather insignificant in the grand scheme of things.  There would be a shift in the gravity of my life, a shift in who I was inside that room, and I was about to enter that room as Ashlee, and I knew that when I left that room I wouldn't be the same girl.  Hell, I wouldn't be a girl at all anymore, I would be a woman and more than that I would finally feel like a woman.  I would be walking out of that room, with my husband and my newborn son in tow as a Mother.  That's quite a lot to take in for a 21 year old who felt more like she was still 17 than anything.  I stood in the doorway contemplating these thoughts for a minute before I could finally make myself take that next step into my new self, because I knew if I didn't take the step willingly that I would be pushed by the child inside me who was ready to be born.

The Birth of Aiden Part One

I know you've all heard those nightmareish horror stories about birth.  The ones that include 72 hours of painful active labor, 4 epidurals that didn't work and at the end there is a c-section without enough numbing medication and the mom felt them cutting her open.  Yeah, well this isn't one of those.  Nope!  Not at all.

I woke up at 8:00 am on 1st December 2006.  I wasn't hurting, but I was hungry.  I got up, which was no easy feat when you're 35 weeks pregnant and have already gained 60 pounds, and made my way into our new kitchen to get a snack.  I then decided that the new home we had moved into a few weeks before was filthy.  Filthy, dirty, disgusting and not fit for a dog much less the beautiful, brown haired baby boy that I had started calling Aiden Konnor that I was sure I would have on my due date of 1st January 2007.  So I cleaned the living room.  In case you're wondering the house was not filthy or dirty, nor was it disgusting because my Mother-in-Law had spent an entire day scrubbing it down not even a month before this day.

I scrubbed the hardwood floors, vacuumed the couches out, vacuumed the rugs and wiped down all the tabled and the computer.  Content with my cleaning I got online for a bit, and got yet another snack.  It was then that I realized my back was hurting something fierce.  I assumed this was due to the 60 pound weight gain taking my 5 foot 3.5 inch frame from a mere 110 pounds to 170 in just a few short months, and of course because I was carting around my beautiful brown haired baby that I had been dreaming of also.  I got on my Mommy board, which included some super amazing women, one of which you know as J. (J and I met on JustMommies.com and a bunch of us got banned and decided moved our little group of ladies over to another private, uncensored forum.  I liked J from the start, she was awesome, she looked like Angelina (yes, Angelina for those of you who have never seen her lovely face, this was J's vintage Angelina look pre-Jessie Jane boobies!) and she was just all around fly!) We were all due to give birth in the same month!  Anyway, I had to check in to see if any of my bitches had gone into labor and I had missed the call.  They hadn't.

Fawk You Friday

It's that time of the week again!  Fawk You Friday is here, once again, and I love it!  It's hands down my favorite blog carnival/meme/link-up/whatever you want to call it!

Fawk You to my immune system yet again, because I am still sick! 

Fawk You to my husbands job for not giving me medical insurance and Fawk You to the government for also not giving me medical insurance, which is why I'm still sick!  I blame them.  Normally I don't care about insurance for me, since I'm only sick once a year or so.  When I'm sick I'm just generally mad about it though!  The rest of the time I'm content that my babies and husband have insurance, since they have a lot more doctor appointments than I do.

Speaking of doctor appointments, Fawk You RA (rheumatoid arthritis) for attacking my husband, who is only 23 years old but feels like he's 40 something.  I hate when he hurts, it makes me feel bad, and he hurts all the time.  I wish there was something I could do for him, but there's not.  )=

Fawk You West Virginia Law, for making it mandatory for my 3 year old go to preschool for at least one year before he starts Kindergarten,  He doesn't want to go, and I don't want him to go, I'm not ready for him to go!  I work with him at home and he already knows most of what you want him to learn in preschool!  He can count, say his ABC's, recognize some of the letters in the alphabet when they're written, knows his full name and our full names, can sing songs, knows all of his colors and shapes.  If they just let me keep him I could teach him to read and write his name and some simple words I'm sure, but they won't let me keep him.  I have to send him off.  )=

Fawk You school cut off date.  My 3 year old will start Kindergarten when he is 5, and then turn 6 a little over 2 months in.  Which I find ridiculous, what difference is 2 months going to make.  He's ahead of most of the kids I know now anyway, I think he'll be fine to start at 4 and then turn 5 a little over 2 months later.  I started at 4, and  I did just fine, better than "just fine" really.  Boo!