A Reply to Renee's Posts

I read Renee's blog and the one written by her husband.  Ordinarily I wouldn't reply or post about such things, and I actually came online to get my Fawk You Friday and Blog Stalk Friday post ready to go so that I could go to bed.  But my Ange has been upset by these posts, and that bothers me.  Why?  Because Ange is an amazing woman and an amazing person.  She has never done anything but try to help me and anyone else that she thinks may need help.  And I don't think it's right for someone to be singled out, especially someone as good as Ange, in a situation like this.

I am the one who found Renee's blog post.  That was ME, not Ange.  So if you want to pick on someone, then I suppose I should be the one you choose.  As far as I know and have heard no one has mentioned your treatment at all.  It is your right to be treated in any way you choose to be treated.  It's your choice, and no one should have anything to say about that, in my opinion.  Ange never spoke an ill word about you or your wife, and I've not only spoken to her on the phone but also on Yahoo IM quite a bit since last night, and was even speaking with her while she wrote her original I'm Sorry post, which you so kindly linked to. 

When I found Renee's blog, it was not out of malice or with any ill intent at all.  I just wanted to read her blog in hopes to better understand her and her situation.  Since I am the one who found it, I am assuming that a lot of your negative comments are in reference to me.  I'm guessing that I'm the one who "doesn't have anything better to do with her time" and who is the "one person" who "ruined a good thing" and "only cares about the popularity of her blog" as you said.  I went to your blog in hopes of being able to reach out to you and your family further, because I understand better than a lot of people what it is like to watch someone you love dearly battle cancer.  I did not make assumptions based on your blog, I simply read it, and realized that you did not lose your home due to the cancer diagnosis, as was implied.  I was baffled by this.  I was baffled by the fact that she chose an RV'ing lifestyle a few years ago, when it was implied that you all had lost your home due to Carl being the bread winner and him being out of work due to his severe illness.  Not the place you park your home, but your actual home, your house!  It was also thought, by a lot of us, that Renee was looking for another house to replace the house that was lost.  That is simply not the case, and you know it as well as I that it is not.

I have not, nor has anyone that has made a post that I have read, ever tried to imply that this was all a scam.  No one has stated that you made up his illness, but the situation does sound a lot worse when you are told that you all have lost your home and have been forced into living in an RV because of this.  I would also like to say that I highly doubt that anyone did anything for you based on blog popularity, as you accused.  A few days ago you were saying how overwhelmed you were by the blogospheres generosity, and now we're all just a bunch of number whores, huh?  Interesting how things change so quickly when the promise of money is taken away, isn't it?  We all rallied around you when we thought you were homeless, when we thought you had been forced out of your home and were hungry and cold.  We all did that out of the kindness of our hearts.  I worked so hard trying to promote this cause, as did a lot of other good, kind hearted people!  I even made it onto The #Support Daily on Twitter because of all of my tweeting trying to help get people involved.  We all tried out very best to reach out to you in this time, and the only thing we wanted was a little honesty.  Is that too much to ask?

A few of my friends thought I was crazy today because I actually have been trying to track down Renee's email address all day, short of writing Gucci about it.  Because I wanted to know if it would be okay for me to send out the clothing that I had gathered up for her and had my friends gather up for her and I needed to know her address for that.  I also wanted to ask her if it would still be okay for me to speak with some members of my Church on Sunday or Wednesday about getting some winter coats and some more clothing and such together. They thought I was crazy because I still wanted to give to you even though I hadn't heard your side of the story, and even though shipping costs are a lot of money to me right now I still wanted to give to your children.  Why?  I've explained why before, in my first blog post about your situation.  Because I know what it's like to have a loved on with cancer.  Because I know that it's a hard situation you're in.  But after watching you call one of the most generous people I know a "stupid bitch" or whatever asinine term you used, I just don't know what to say.  She is someone who went out of pocket to not only donate to you, but to host a giveaway (at her own expense) to promote more giving!  It actually seriously pisses me off that either of you would resort to name calling, especially towards Ange.  I would just like to let you know, that "stupid bitch" would do just about anything in her power to help anyone out.  That "stupid bitch" once offered to let my husband, my two boys and myself move into her home and help to get my husband a job.  That "stupid bitch" was willing to let me move states and live with her, with my two young children and my husband in an effort to help us get in a better situation.  That "stupid bitch" would have done ANYTHING she could do to help you all out.  Because that's how that "stupid bitch" is!

Carl, you said that if anyone thinks they can live on 600 dollars a month plus food stamps to be your guest.  Do you think that there aren't people out there making it work who get way less than that?  Because I know that there are!  How do I know?  Because I am currently one of them!  My husband has been laid off for the past few months, and we have been living on just his unemployment, which is much less than 600 dollars a month.  It's actually less than 200 dollars monthly, plus food stamps.  I would love to be getting 600 dollars a month, but I'm not and though I do have financial stress, I am well aware that we get enough to get our needs met through strict budgeting and smart shopping.  I go without a lot, but my kids have everything they need and some things they want. So please, don't tell me that it is impossible to live on 600 dollars a month, because I'm living on less and I have one son in diapers who grows out of his clothes quite quickly as he's a baby, and one son that I just bought school clothes for.

I don't know where you got the idea that anyone said you were a "cancer scammer" because no where have I read that you are faking cancer.  Letting people assume your situation is worse than it is, assume you've been kicked out of your house and forced into an RV isn't exactly the truth, and there could have been legal issues for Gucci because of the misinformation.

All that being said, I'm going to comment you with this blog post link.  If you would still like the clothing for your children, and for me to speak with my Church about helping to get even more clothes, then you can email me.  My email address is all over this blog, so it won't be hard to find.  I would still be glad to help your children out, because I hate to think of a child doing without.  As I said in my last post, my deepest sympathies to your family and my sincerest hopes for healing goes out to you all!

Ever get the feeling you've been cheated?

Famous last words of the Sex Pistols uttered by Johnny Rotten (aka John Lyden) on a stage somewhere in California.

I understand what he meant, really I do!  Especially tonight.  Today I read something that, quite frankly, shocked me.  I found Renee's blog, yes that Renee.  The one I've been working so hard to try to help.  Anyway, I found her blog and what did I read while I was there?  That she did not lose her house, that they were not forced to live in an RV.  

They chose to live in an RV, WAY before her husband was ever diagnosed with cancer.  And some other things that I don't find all together pleasing.  Here I was, so worried about those poor kids facing the harsh Montana Winter in an RV because they had lost their house due to their father being fired after a cancer diagnosis.  Only to learn that they had faced winters in that RV before, because that is where they live -- all the time, all year around, by choice!

I do still feel badly because their father has cancer, and they get my deepest sympathy because of that.  My very deepest sympathy.  But, I don't appreciate being lied to, I don't appreciate someone making a situation look worse than it is and I do not like my heart strings to be tugged only to find out that the tugger hasn't been entirely truthful.

I am SO sorry for reporting this to you.  When Gucci was told about this she pulled her posts down, and there will be an announcement from her shortly, I am sure.  She didn't feel the need to question someone she considered a friend, she is not the cause of this.  She's just a good person who, like the rest of us, felt bad for someone in need, someone in an emergency situation, someone she thought was homeless.  This, unfortunately is not the case.  And I am sorry.  I am sorry that I only found Renee's blog today, and not before now.  I am sorry that we've all spent time and energy on a situation that turned out to be something other than what we thought it was.

I'm just all around sorry.  Feel free to head on over to Ange's blog to see one of the most amazing pair of Ta-Ta's imaginable.  They made me feel better, since they're magical, and maybe they'll make you feel better too, since tomorrow's Boobs for Bucks event won't be going down now.  I'll post more about this when I've digested it better and had more time to collect my thoughts.

PYHO - I love you Mama, forever

Since it's October and I'm elbow deep in work with this event for Renee's Family I thought I'd talk a little bit more about my Mommy today for my PYHO post.  I wrote a post earlier this week about her, titled I used to be that little girl. 

I feel the need to talk about it again, because I finally feel open enough to share that part of my life and because talking about my experience openly and honestly has moved and motivated some of you to donate to Renee's family.

Also, if anyone reading this would like to participate in the event you can read this and get an idea of what is going on and you can email me at:
ZombieHousewifeBlog@gmail.com

 

My Mother was a beautiful woman.  As I said before she was always put together, never left the house without her makeup on and her hair fixed.  She always wore earrings.  She always put on some jewelry before leaving the house for the day.  I remember the way she smelled, like the perfume she always wore.  I would buy her a bottle of it each Mothers Day.  No matter what I would always pick out that same bottle for her, each and every year.  That perfume was an extension of my mother, of who she was.  I'll always relate that smell to her in my mind, without even thinking about it.  

I was in awe of my Mommy as a little girl.  How she would take a black pencil and line her eyes, so perfectly.  How her lips were always stained that perfect shade of color, a red-ish color.  How her hair was always curled just so.  The way her skin seemed to be the perfect shade, not too dark to where it looked like she had been baking in the sun for days, but not light enough to imply that she never left the shade in the summer.  She was the perfect color, I always thought.  She was a bit darker complected than I, but albinos are darker than me so that isn't all together surprising.

She always knew what to say, not just to me but to everyone.  She was friends with everyone.  Everyone loved my Mommy!  Even now when I happen across someone who knew her they will tell me how much they just loved Brenda, what a good friend she was and more than that what a good person she was.  When they say these things I am simultaneously proud, blessed and jealous.  I am proud because that wonderful woman they are speaking about contributed half of my DNA, and I know I share some of the same qualities that they are praising her for.  I am blessed to have known her, to be her daughter and to have both loved her and been loved by her.  I am jealous because they have memories of her, and I have just a cherished few, and I feel as though it is not fair that these people get to remember her more, know her better and have had more time with her than I did.  

I sometimes feel cheated because I only got to know my Mommy as a little girl knows her Mother.  I never got to know her as a tween or preteen, a teenager or a grown woman knows their Mother.  I never got to be her best friend.  I never got to call her immediately after I take a pregnancy test and it comes up positive.  She wasn't the person I called when Justin asked me to marry him.  She wasn't the woman to my left, holding my hand as I pushed her second and third grandsons into the world.  She wasn't the one helping me get ready for prom or teaching me how to put makeup on when I was finally allowed to wear it to school.  I didn't and she wasn't because she was not here for any of those things.

I miss her, but more than the things that I remember us doing together I miss the things that we should be doing together today.  Isn't it funny how you can miss something that never happened?  How you can miss your Mom holding your sons when she has never physically held them and she never will?  How you can miss calling your Mother when you have a problem with your husband or with a friend or when your son starts to walk, when you've never been able to pick up the phone and call her for any of those things?  I miss those things more than it seems possible to miss anything in the world.  I miss my Mommy.  I miss her so much that sometimes it physically hurts me.

I miss her like crazy, each and every day I think of her.  I look a lot like her, everyone tells me that.  I have a lot of her qualities as well.  I'm a loving and loyal friend, and I truly care about helping others.  I'm a devoted Mother and Wife, just like she was.  I try my best at every single thing I do, which is something I got from her as well, because she never half arsed anything she did she always put her whole self into things, and I'm the exact same way.  We share a mutual love of music, and I got my taste for Johnny Cash from her.  I also inherited her temper, which means that it takes a lot to get under my skin and really get me going, but when you push me there it's not pretty and you'll probably rethink your actions that put me there.  I'm very willing to

I was just a little girl when she passed away.  My Dad had a really hard time with it, he lost the love of his life and was left behind to raise a young daughter as a man alone.  With no woman to help guide him on how to raise me.  A lesser man may have crumbled under that pressure of raising a very little girl alone after she just lost her Mommy to cancer, but not my Daddy.  He truly rose to the occasion, giving me a better life than a lot of people have.  Just like the promised my Mom he would.  I know she must have been so worried about me and my older brother, who was already on a self destructive path.  If she were here, she would still be worried about him, but I'm worried about him & his kids enough for the both of us.  

My Mom was one of the hardest working people I've ever known.  She worked every day of her life either at home or at her job.  She did this so that she would be able to give her family the best life possible.  She always talked about wanting to take a year off and stay home with me, but that never came to be.  She passed away before she had the chance.  But I am forever grateful to have had what time with her that I did, because she has given me some of the most cherished memories that I have.  I hold each and every one of them near to my heart and even though I can not remember the sound of her voice anymore I can still remember my times with her.  Those special times that we shared as mother and daughter.  I don't remember a lot of them, because I was so young when she passed, but the ones that I do remember are beautiful and special.  

I love you Mommy, so much!  Even though I'm all grown up, you're still the most beautiful, kindest and most wonderful woman I know.  I love you and I miss you each and every day!  I promise to always tell my boys about you, so that they will know that they have a Grandmother up in Heaven looking down on them and who loves them more than anything.  Someone who would have thought of them as the most beautiful little boys to ever exist and someone who would have cherished them just as much as their Mommy & Daddy do!  You were the best Mom I could have asked for, thank you for all that you did for me and all that you did with me!  I miss you just as much today as I did when  I was a little girl and you were in the hospital.  You are a very special person to me, and I promise to do my best to make you proud of me!  I love you so much!

We Need Your Help!

You may have already heard, since Gucci announced it earlier today.  Either way I'm here to announce it again!

We Need Your Help!

I have reached out to Gucci to offer the only help I am currently able to give to her beautiful friend Renee, whose strength inspires me and whose positivity in trying times should be a model to us all. 

I can promise you that if I were able to give more than I would, no questions asked!  Yesterday I told you all a very personal story, one that has shaped my life and who I am so fully that it is engraved into the very essence of my being, one that is speaks of the very core of the person that I am.  A story about my early childhood.  It doesn't even seem fitting to say that it is a story of my early childhood, because it is actually the story of my early childhood.

I have given everyone who has read it who hasn't been through it a glimpse into the mind of a child whose parent has cancer.  A window into the minds and the hearts of Renee and Carl's beautiful children.  I don't like writing about it, talking about it, but I think about it on a near daily basis.  I wrote about it in hopes that it would inspire you to give, whatever you can, to help this family.  To show how important it is, even to the youngest of family members, that we all reach out as humans to help each other when in need!

Now, today, I am asking you to further support me while I am working on the organization of an event for Renee and Carl and their darling children.  I'm not asking anyone to do anything other than what I myself am doing.

What is that?  I am doing whatever I can to help, and I'm not asking for anything more or anything less of any of you all!

How you can help:

• We need bloggers who are willing to spread the word, through blog posts, through social media like Twitter, Facebook etc, about this event.  To get it out there and to get it the maximum exposure possible!
• We need bloggers who are willing to host giveaways or raffles for products for this event!  Don't have a product?  Contact me and I will help set you up with one!
• We need bloggers who are also artists, jewelry makers, designers or anything like that to donate products to us.  So that we can raffle them off or host giveaways for them to help promote giving, and to give back to those who are willing to give to this family in their time of need!
• We need sponsors, companies or whatever you want to call them to donate products to us for this event for the same reasons I listed above!
• We need bloggers who may think they don't have anything to give.  We've all got something to give, even if it's something that you don't even think of.  Top spots in Meme's or link up's to raffle off, guest posts on popular blogs to auction off or anything that you can think of like that!

If you are willing to do ANY of these things, or if you have another idea or something else you want to donate or do for this event then please contact me at:  ZombieHousewifeBlog@gmail.com

If you want to donate clothing, blankets, gift cards, toiletries or anything else like that then you can contact me at the above email address (and I'll get you in touch with Gucci Mama) or Stephanie at Mama Still Wears Gucci! 

Also, please check out my girl Ange's blog, she already has her Giveaway up, so head on over there and put your name on the list to win her prize, you must be 18 or over to enter as it is an adult giveaway, and you either have to donate money or spread the word to enter to win! 

**UPDATE**

Help us get the word out by tweeting this!

http://tinyurl.com/2a2xeot  We need your help!  Let's get some people involved in this event! #Cancer #Support