Tuesday, November 30, 2010

Opinions, please!

Have you ever just been at your wits end with one of your kids?  You know they keep on and keep on and keep on and so on and so on, and you keep saying "No, don't do that!" over and over.  They keep doing it anyway, even after being punished for it 3 times.  Well I had a moment like that with Aiden last night.  It had been a long day, a very long day, and he just wouldn't let up and had been in trouble 3 times if not more in the past 25 minutes.  Well then he decides to get about an inch away from my face and start screaming at me.

Now, have you ever done something that you are not proud of, as a parent?  You know maybe your kid is an inch away from your face after being in trouble 3 times if not more in the past 25 minutes, and they're just right there in your face yelling -- screaming, at you.  Then maybe you, in your frustration raise your voice back at them and say "You better get out of my face little boy!" and your child backs away and starts crying, because you yelled at them while they were yelling at you, an inch away from your face.

That's what happened at our house last night.  I felt immediately horrible for losing my temper and yelling at Aiden, but I was just really at my wits end with him acting up at that point.  So I got up and went to the bathroom, and I was praying and asking for guidance.  Then all of a sudden I hear my Mother-in-Law telling Justin "If I EVER see that girl screaming in my babies face like that again I WILL call Child Advocate!"  First of all, I would just like to say that I did not scream in Aidens face.  Did I raise my voice?  Yep, I sure did!  But he was yelling at me -- his mother, an inch away from my face!  Of course I'm going to get angry, that's disrespectful and he knows better.  He knows he shouldn't be doing that.  But I did not scream at him.  I did raise my voice and tell him to get out of my face, which he did after that because kids can always tell your "I mean business" tone of voice.

Well then my Mother-in-Law decides to tell my Husband that he needs to "Step up and act like a man and tell her that you're not going to tolerate her screaming in your little boys face like that."  I'm sorry, since when is it not okay to raise your voice at your child who is yelling at you right in your face?  I did not bend down and get in his face to yell at him, I simply raised my voice at him while he was already in my face.  I didn't threaten him or say I was going to bust his butt, all I said was "You had better get out of my face, little boy."  Because, well, he better not ever get up in my face screaming at me.  She acts like I got in his face and was screaming at him in some evil tone of voice, which did not happen.  He was already in my face when I raised my voice at him, it scared him because he knows when I use that tone of voice I'm serious and he's in trouble and/or doing something very wrong.

Don't get me wrong, I feel bad about it.  Then again I feel badly anytime I have to punish Aiden.  I do not often lose my cool with him, I don't hit him when I get angry -- in fact most of the time I will take a time out to sit and think about what would be the best way to go about discipline when I'm angry.  I don't act out of anger, or at least I try my best as much as is humanly possible to not act out of anger towards anyone especially my babies!

So my question is: Do you consider what I did bad enough for CPS or Child Advocate to come in and remove my children from my care?  Or is this, in your opinion, just another case of Justins mother making a mountain out of a mole hill and sticking her nose in where it doesn't belong?

In other news we were so worried that Jagger had Chickenpox!  His entire back and neck, head and some of his legs were broke out in these little red bumps.  I took a photo of it to show my friend Summer to get her opinion on it, and we just could not be sure.  So I took him to the doctor yesterday.

Jaggers Back!

It was not Chickenpox, it's a viral rash that is because of his cold.  When the cold goes away the rash will as well.  But, and this is a big but to me, he was diagnosed with Asthmatic Bronchitis, and has to take breathing treatments 3 times a day and cough syrup before each treatment.  He also got prescribed an antibiotic and a cream to put on his rash.  Poor little guy!  His rash is already looking a little better, I think though.



Annie D said...

That is absolutely ridiculous! What you did in no way constitutes calling Child Advocate!! And who the hell does she think she is? "If I EVER see that girl screaming in my babies face like that again I WILL call Child Advocate!" Um, that girl??? my babies? 1st of all, that is YOUR baby, not hers. And 2nd of all, you are not THAT girl, you are his wife and mother of his children. THAT woman needs to learn some goddamn boundaries if she wants to continue to be around her grandson. What you did was a perfectly acceptable and normal reaction to misbehavior. I don't envy the women who are forced to have a relationship with their mother-in-laws. Mine doesn't know how to get to our house, and I'll gladly keep it that way.

Ange said...

First off, fuck that bitch. I would have yelled at my kids... not raised my voice, fucking yelled!

Don't let her get you down, just ignore her and know that you know how to parent your sons.

Heather (Butterflygirlms) said...

Raising your voice w/ a tone is no way, shape or form any cause to call a Child Services. You were being a mom who was disciplining her child. I take it your MIL didn't see the whole incident where Aiden was in your face screaming. I'm sorry I would have yelled back at my child for doing that!! She has NO RIGHT to say those are 'HER BABIES' because they are NOT. Yeah, she may be grandma but that is it. Or for that matter, tell her own son that is isn't a MAN unless he does something...screw your MIL and I hope your hubby supports you and NOT his mother.

Crisc@JusKeepSmiling.com said...

I agree w/ Ange...My son got in my face yelled and slapped me right in the face and I slapped his ass back. It's your kid not hers..my husbands grandma always tried to stop me from disciplining mine but I still do it. Dont care who's around

Copyboy said...

NOT EVEN CLOSE!!! You were being a mom. And what you did was right for the situation. Your M-law has no right to judge. They are YOUR kids. Ugh! Let me at her! I'll give her a piece of my mind!!!

NikkiDarlin' said...

WOW! I think you handled things in a better way that I would have, I mean with your ML. I would have been all over her and showed her what screaming in someone face was. But that's me and i don't take someone tell me their going to take my child away. As a mother that's th worse thing in the world.
She is making a huge thing out of nothing. I think your all i the right. He was in your face and you just got him to move and behave.
Poor Jagger I'm sorry to hear. Hope he feels better soon.

Anonymous said...

You are in the right. Sadly thought that's probably enough for a CA to go snooping around. Gotta love the nanny state.

DIAPERS in the DESERT said...

Your MIL has no right to comment on your parenting skills (btw- you were in the right) and I would have yelled at her!! I think more parents need to do what you did. Its called disciplining your child. I think it is appalling that your MIL thinks she is even allowed to have an opinion on how you raise your children. I agree with what Annie D wrote. There is no way either, that CPS or CA would come out. If I hear her say what she did... I would have told her to get the F out of your house!!!

DIAPERS in the DESERT said...

Also, I hope your lil one starts feeling better soon.

Anonymous said...

Oh gosh. I'm not a mom but I do work for a family lawyer and really people do not know the harm they can cause by making complaints to CPS (Child Protective Services here in Texas) that are frivolous. They will investigate even the littlest claim and the investigation is not pretty. It takes months and they will probe and prod and make demands and question every aspect of your life. Now I am all for CPS and the things they do to help families, they are just doing their job. But I have seen too many cases where there was NO reason to be called and a family ends up being torn apart mentally and emotionally. All they have to have is "reasonable cause" that you harm your child and it's all over. If your MIL was to lie and say she saw you hit your child then that's it. I don't think you were wrong in any way. A child *should* have a healthy fear of their parents. You are the enforcer whether MIL likes it or not. She should know that by making false claims she will do more harm than good.

Ashlee @ The Zombie Housewife said...

Wow, I feel SO much better now knowing that there are at least 9 people who agree with me. I love my boys, I would NEVER EVER do anything to harm or hurt them intentionally. I WILL punish them though, they will have discipline. I shudder to think about what their behavior would be like in a few years without any discipline at all.

She DID see him yelling in my face, she was standing right beside us for the WHOLE thing so she saw his actions. Which is why I can't understand why she doesn't understand my actions. I'm not proud of myself for losing my temper, because I probably could have handled the situation better if I hadn't, but Aiden would have been disciplined anyway even if I hadn't lost my temper and yelled at him.

Thank you all so much for your kind words and comments, they are VERY much appreciated!

Donda said...

It takes a lot more than yelling for CPS to remove your child from your home. Your MIL is just trying to throw her weight around and it sounds to me instead of telling YOUR husband to take care of you she should have been telling him to tend to his kid if she really needed to put her two cents in.

Babes Mami said...

You know that you didn't do anything that constitues CPS being called. Your mother in law is just a teensy bit controlling and needs to loosen the hold. You and Justin have your OWN family that is YOURS not hers. They ware YOUR babies not hers and she has no say in what you do or how you parent. Never let someone threaten you with CPS, they don't just come over and take your babies, it's a huge and serious investigation that goes on for awhile and first they have to find cause. Which they wouldn't.

Dazee Dreamer said...

I think your dear sweet mother-in-law is full of shit. I'm sure she yelled many times at her son. There is no way in hell that CPS would take him away for yelling.

singedwingangel said...

I think that I need to take your MIL out back and SHOW her what yelling really is and possibly practice my hands laying so you need prayer technique.. Just sayin..
FYI in Ky you can even SPANK your child with a belt or a branch as long as there is no lasting red marks after 30 minutes.. Yeah my kids found that out when they told a teacher I beat them. CPS showed up and told them that, that kind of sucked the wind out of their sails then

♥Cari♥ said...

Oh my god! I would have flipped out on her! You did absolutely nothing wrong.

jsmommy9804 said...

I've told you plenty of times your MIL is a retard and she pisses me off, which is hard to do.
Now for Aiden, he is going to keep pushing until one of you breaks, the thing is you need to keep punishing him, let him know you mean business and are not going to back down.
Remember he's been through a lot, he misses his paw paw, your MIL is there and he could be getting mixed signals and not know who to listen to since she's hell bent on being their mother. She's there putting you down so he thinks it's ok because grandma is doing it.
Justin should tell his mother he is backing you, not her because you are his wife and the mother of his children.
Ashlee you are a great mom, we all have our breaking points, as hard as we try we end up raising our voices at least once a month to our kids. CPS is not going to come and snatch your kids away, this I promise you. Your MIL will be laughed at and I'll call her up and laugh at her too for thinking she could get them taken away.
Does she think they'll place them with her? Think again, she's taking care of an elderly person and can barely take care of herself.
I've never wanted to punch someone in the ovaries as much as I want to with your MIL.

Jess said...

In no way was what you did a reason for Child Services to come.
Can I just day kudos to you for not slapping your MIL in the face after she opened her big mouth.
My kids are 8 and 1 and if the 8 year old got in my face like that screaming he would be lucky if I just raised my voice. He would have gotten a slap in the mouth.
So, I don't think what you did was bad at all.
New reader BTW...love your blog!

JoJo said...

Your a mother of course your allowed to discipline your child. I can't stand it when mother in laws get involved when its on of her business. Her saying that to Aiden is counterproductive. He has to respect you and your authority. Ugh mother in laws really piss me off sometimes.

mel said...

Im super late lol but why would the doctor prescribe and antibiotic for something that he said was viral?

Kim @ This Belle Rocks said...

Well, I'm laaaate with this, but I'm pretty sure Child Advocate would laugh in the Memaw's face. Maybe you need to get in her face and tell her to butt out, LOL.

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