Thursday, October 14, 2010

Who are you going to be lighting your candle for tomorrow?



Did you know that October is also Pregnancy and Infant Loss Awareness Month?  Everyone always talks about how it's Breast Cancer Awareness Month, and everyone posts about that on Facebook and on their blogs, but I haven't seen very many people posting about this.  This is something that is very close to my heart, and I feel like I need to talk about this today, so I'm going to.

I've had the same best friend since I was in the sixth grade.  Her name is Leila, and she has the most beautiful little girl with blond curly hair who she names Chloe.  Chloe is an adorable little girl and looks exactly like her Daddy but has her Mama's attitude sometimes.  She's a princess, and just the sweetest little girl.  A few months ago my best friend told me that she was pregnant with her second child.  She was so excited and loved her unborn child.  Leila is an amazing mother, and Chloe doesn't want for anything.  She has all the love, attention and things that she could ever want or need.  Something went wrong with her pregnancy though, something that has less than a 1% chance of happening to a pregnant mother.  She lost her son on the very day that they found out her was a boy.  She had an ultrasound the day he was born and it confirmed that she was pregnant with a boy, and they came home with some of the most beautiful ultrasound pictures I've ever seen, they were so clear and very detailed.  She gave birth to her beautiful little boy that day, and he passed away. 

Leila and her husband have been through an unimaginable loss that no parent deserves to go through.  They have lost their second child, their son and Chloe has lost her baby brother.  Their parents have lost their first born grandson.  It is truly a pain that you can not understand until you have been through it.  Leila is not alone in this pain, as this happens far too often to far too many people.  Leila says that her arms ache to hold her baby boy.  She misses her son daily, and wishes so badly that he could be here with her.  They named him Christian Sain.  Sain is a name that her husband, Timmy, picked out long ago.  It's quite an unusual name, and I've never known of another child with that name.  Sain means blessed.  It's a beautiful name for a beautiful little boy who left this earth much too soon, and left behind a loving Mommy and Daddy, a wonderful big Sister and some of the most amazing Grandparents.  They are left here grieving for the loss of this beautiful little man that they never had the chance to get to know or to see grow into a toddler or to read a bedtime story to. 

Though I can not imagine the depth of the pain that my best friend is going through I have done my best to be there for her.  I have prayed for her and I have cried with her.  My heart goes out to her and her husband, and I wish there was something that I could do or say that would help them to heal, but there isn't.  On Wednesday of this week I went with Leila to get a tattoo in honor of her son, the first tattoo that she ever got.  An old friend of mine is the one who did her tattoo, and he didn't charge her, which I thought was very sweet of him.  She got one of the most beautiful tattoo's I've ever seen on her foot on her sons name with a halo above it along with his tiny little footprints.  I am glad that I was able to be there with her as she got this tattoo done to support her.  She is one of my oldest friends, and she is like family to me.  I love my best friend and both of her amazing, beautiful babies.



So on October 15th, which just happens to be Pregnancy and Infant Loss Remembrance Day, I will be lighting a candle for Christian Sain at 7 pm.  There are so many wonderful parents who suffer this loss, who have lost a beautiful baby.  Chances are we all know someone who has been through some type of loss, whether it is from miscarriage, stillbirth, sids or something else.  It is an unimaginable pain, and we should all be there for these parents and support them.  Allow them to mourn and to grieve.  Too often I hear of people saying things to someone who has lost a child like "Oh, you can try again" or "You can always have another one, you're young" and "Well, at least it was just a miscarriage or still birth and you never got to know the baby" and I have to shake my head at these crude comments.  You can not replace people, you can not substitute a child that has been lost with another child.  It's insanity to even imply such!  So if you used to be one of the people who would say something like this, please be careful with your words.  These parents have been through something that you can't even imagine, a pain and a sorrow that runs so deep that it affects each and every fiber of their being.  We all need to be caring and compassionate when someone we know has been through a loss like this.

Today I am asking that you all light a candle for Baby Christian, Baby Joshua whose mother has been harassed since his passing in the most disgusting and hateful way and all the other babies who have left their parents and this earth far too soon.  I will be lighting a candle for them, and it is my sincere hope that at 7 pm on October 15th that you will be joining me in doing this! 

So tell me, who are you going to be lighting your candle for tomorrow?


This post is dedicated to Christian Sain and his family!  I love y'all and am always here for you anytime you need me! 

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10 comments:

EnVii said...

i will be lighting a candle on behalf of your friend's child n baby joshua! i too lost a child at 18 months.. [ story is on my blog] it is a pain i would never wish on anyone! Thank you for posting this..

Ashlee @ The Zombie Housewife said...

I will add your baby to my list as well then! I'm heading over to read your story right now! I am so sorry for your loss, it's something that we all fear as parents but that no one will truly understand until they have been through it!

Gucci Mama said...

I will add two candles for these sweet boys to the seven I light for the babies my broken body has failed over the years. This was such a loving and beautiful post.

EnVii said...

gucci i will light a candle for you as well love

Oh,fuck it. said...

Oh why do you have to make me cry?I will be lighting for the both of you.

Kelly said...

I'll be lighting a candle for those 2 as well as for my niece. She only lived for 12 hours. She was born with no lung tissue. They kept her alive long enough for her mom to get transported to the hospital that she had been transfered to. I'll be putting up a post about it soon.

So sorry for your loss.

*HUGS*

Gucci Mama said...

Mine were miscarriages, I feel like I should clarify, since I've had about a bottle or so of wine and maybe my thoughts aren't as coherent when written down as they are in my head.

nitebyrd said...

I've never experienced the loss of a child (thank the Gods!) but I will light a candle with thoughts for all of you and your angels.

Ange said...

So much pain has been felt by so many. I have spent the day crying, and praying for families.

I will be remembering Christian with you tonight as I light my candles.

Anonymous said...

Thank you all so much for thinking of my grandson,Christian sain. And thank you so much Ashlee,for bringing awareness to this,love you.

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