Today you can find me over at One Crazy Brunette Chick, guest posting for the Princess of Class, Trash and Sass, the one and only Rebel Slut Prom Queen, that gorgeous Trashy Mouthed Trophy Wife that we all know and love, CB. She's on her blog-cation, which makes me sad because I simply adore her, but I am very happy and flattered that she asked me to guest post! I love her blog, she has a cult following over there, so imagine my surprise when she asked little ole me to guest post for her while she was gone.
My post over there is about some things that you should never do in a strip club. All of the things on the list are things that have actually happened to me when I was a dancer. I was going to post an instructional how to on some common stripper moves that would be easy for people to master. Like the many ways that you can clap your booty, how to bounce your booty and some floor work. I couldn't post about pole tricks, because I would have to actually show you how to do them, and I don't have a pole and I just had a baby 10 months ago, so I'm not going to vlog my big ass sliding down a pole. So I decided that booty shakin' and floor work instruction was the way to go. Then I changed my mind and decided to write the list of things not to do while in a club.
I started to write about the prison guard that used to come to the club. He was hands down one of the oddest person I've ever encountered. He was one of those freaks that wanted to have a boot heel shoved in his mouth. Then he wanted to turn private dances (which is what they call couch dances/lap dances, and they aren't private because a bounce has to accompany you into the "private dance room" and be present for the entire dance), into a dominatrix session, which was probably against the law. But the 3 bouncers, the manager and the DJ all fought over who got to be security for that dance, the manager and one of the bouncers won out in the end and got their front row seat at the "Trinity's gonna beat his ass show!" Trinity was my dance name, if you hadn't guessed.
So in the spirit of my guest post over at CB's blog, I'll post a paragraph from my first draft of the guest post. It tells you how to make your booty clap & jiggle. So here ya go, enjoy...and your husbands can thank me later by giving me relevant links back to my blog to improve my google PR. ;)
Every girl should at least know how to clap her booty. You know how in The Wizard of Oz Dorthy clicks her heels together to get home? That's what you gotta do! It works best in stilettos or barefoot, either way stand on your tip toes and click your heels together and if you have any kind of ass at all it will clap or shake or whatever you want to call it. If you barely have an ass it will at least juggle a little bit if you're doing it right. You can do it with just one leg, or you can do it with both, you can do it as you slowly bend over. There are many variations to the booty clap.